Interview Topic: WHAT IT MEANS TO BE SECURE.
I am very excited to share with you the honest words of multiple women (age range from high school age to mid 30’s). These interview questions can be considered very personal to some, so I have decided to keep all the women anonymous for this blog post.
Question #1: Name the most secure woman you know and explain what makes them secure in your eyes?
“Beyonce. She knows her worth; she shows the public that she is unafraid to be who she is. She’s bold. Some would say she is flawless.” -anonymous
“Lady Gaga. She is out there and doesn’t care what people think of her. She is confident.” -anonymous
“One of my pastors. In my mind, she is secure because she is focused and fixed on the Lord and has a confidence and trust in His purpose that cannot be shaken.” -anonymous
“____. She doesn’t wear makeup and she is so beautiful and is always smiling.” -anonymous
“My mom. She is strong-minded.” -anonymous
“____. She is not afraid to be herself. To be different. To be loud. To be funny. To have her own sense of humor. She makes decisive choices and empowers others to do the same. Se is small, but can take control of a room and lead it well.”
“My mom. She boldly knows who she is & through Christ, puts other before herself, and selflessly seeks God through trial and victory.” -anonymous
“Honestly, I can’t name a women but I’ve seen this in several women and I can tell you what a secure women (in my mind looks like); I think of this secure women as a women that walks with God confidence, you know that confidence that is unshakeable because no matter what happens in her life she knows God has it under control and no matter what her insecurities are, they come up and are easily, without hesitation dismissed because she relies on God’s truths and nothing else, period. She is the women that knows she’s completely inadequate for her tasks that God has set before her but she knows that and she’s ok with that because she knows The Lord will provide her with everything she needs in order to accomplish His will.” -anonymous
“My mom. She was the rock of the family.” -anonymous
Question #2: Would you consider yourself secure or insecure?
“Overall I would consider myself secure. I know my identify is in Christ and my hope is secured by Him.” -anonymous
“Insecure at times.” -anonymous
Question #3: If you consider yourself insecure, what are you most insecure about?
“My body and face. My appearance. My intelligence. I’m envious of things that I can’t obtain like better grades. My abilities. Not being good enough.” -anonymous
“I can’t sing. M body image. My intelligence. My lack of skills. Comparing my skills to others. My abilities and accomplishments. My lack of confidence. Not feeling good enough. Fear paralyzes me from trying because of failure or not being good enough.” -anonymous
“My acne scars.” -anonymous
“Not being good enough. Being a failure. Not living out my purpose. Not getting better.” -anonymous
“My appearance.” -anonymous
“The terrifying thought of not being ‘loved’ or ‘accepted’ by others. Feeling as though I am not good enough (or can’t give enough) to others. In words and actions.” -anonymous
“Physical attributes especially after having a baby.” -anonymous
“Being alone.” -anonymous
Question #4: Name an example when you acted upon your insecurity.
“When I’ve been at my lowest I have resorted to self harm in terms of cutting, truly believing that it would make me “feel better” or “solve my problems,” yet it left me more barren than before.” -anonymous
“When I refused to lead a small group right away because I was so fearful for being rejected by my small group.” -anonymous
“I never go without makeup and I always wear stuff to cover my shoulders.” -anonymous
“I tell myself I’m not good enough.” -anonymous
“So many times in so many ways. Dwelling on thoughts about my image I’ve been moody, upset, and irritated. It’s ruined my whole day many times over. I’ve countless times felt myself not being excited when others get compliments because it somehow makes me feel less valuable. Even when other people don’t get compliments, sometimes just the absence of me getting a compliment is enough to aggravate me and make me feel like I’m not enough. The insecurity in my heart definitely was making the inside as ugly as I felt on the outside. It was turning me into someone I knew I wasn’t.” -anonymous
“At times I allow the lies in my head to control my words, actions, and the way I feel about myself. Simply in conversations, or in building friendships. I tend to try and gain peoples ‘approval’ or ‘liking.'” -anonymous
“There are times when I HAVE to workout no matter what. Sometimes those matters are more important than working out.” -anonymous
“Giving into pressures or situations that contradict my values purely in attempt to gain approval or to please someone else.” -anonymous
“There was an extremely low point in my life when my mom passed and my family split. I remember a time when I just sat in my car and I was thinking, ‘I have absolutely nowhere to go, and I have absolutely no one in this life.’ I felt myself wondering what’s the point?? ‘God, I’m OK with you taking me now. I don’t know where to go from here.'” -anonymous
Question #5: Explain what security is to you.
“The opposite of me.” -anonymous
“Liking yourself and not having to compare yourself to others.” -anonymous
“Confidence (Unshakeable confidence in who God created you to be. Walking around with your head held high with nothing that could shake you because you know God has it all under control).” -anonymous
“Confidence and knowing that God is all you need.” -anonymous
Side Note: Ya know, it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to write out these interview answers without getting emotional, because I know these young women personally. I know their hearts, I’ve seen their faces and I know how each one of them is SO valuable. It is difficult knowing that the ones you love don’t see what you see. I can’t imagine how the Lord feels when He sees His own children struggling with seeing how valuable He created us. For how much I love these girls and break over them, God loves them more.
Based on the interviews…
I only interviewed 10 young women, but how familiar do these results sound? I believe I can relate to so many of these answered questions. I have had my fair share of self-doubt, not feeling enough, feeling like a failure, behaving out of insecurity and wishing I was more confident in the Lord at times.
So what do we know?
- The majority of these young women don’t feel good enough and they each deal with it in their own way.
- The need for approval has left us empty, humiliated, resentful, striving and hurting. We desire acceptance from our peers and feel completely insecure when someone doesn’t like us or doesn’t choose us.
- A lot of women desire confidence, because that is their definition of security. The women they admire as secure have a confidence in who they are. In their own skin.
- PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!! This is a big one. And you know what the crazy part is? It doesn’t matter if the world rates you as a 3 or as a 10 on the scale 1-10, each woman will struggle with this. They both feel the need to meet a standard. They both struggle with comparison. And anytime we make compare ourselves to anyone, we are acting out our insecurity.
- When we aren’t secure in who we are, we don’t see ourselves carrying any value and we lose hope. And hopelessness can result in self-harm or suicidal thoughts. I know not everyone has reached this point, but this is a very serious and real struggle for so many people out there. And the crazy part is, each of them has so much worth.
Based on this interview I will be blogging about some of these struggles that most of us battle. These unnecessary burdens that most of us carry around. We have the desire for security, and yet we are unable to break free from the insecure mindset. I believe God has allowed us and called us to build each other up and grow through this life together. You may feel a little dumb for being insecure… Maybe someone looked down on you for all your junk and messiness. But, God chose to adopt you KNOWING all your messiness. He wasn’t afraid of it. He knew He was bigger than it. And we are all able to encourage each other through this process of getting through our insecurity. And even though we are tempted to put others down in order to make ourselves feel better (this has happened to me and I have done this myself), let’s just remember these young women’s interviews. Each of us is carrying and dealing with something. Don’t put another woman down out of your insecurity, because more than likely she already has a plateful of insecurity she is trying to battle.
To all of you ladies that participated in this interview! I love you so much, and you were so generous and transparent in sharing the deep stuff. You are unbelievably valuable, and I pray for each one of you. Know that we are in this battle together. We are all on the same playing field. We each desire confidence and security in this life, and it all starts with Jesus.